This is one of those quotes that speak volumes to me and it came to me when I needed it most. Life is funny that way. A scrap of paper, a fortune cookie scribble, a blurb heard in the grocery store, a bumper sticker seen on a car in the middle of a traffic jam and all of a sudden our eyes snap wide open and we are thrown into the white light of an epiphany. I don’t use that word lightly. It’s as though, you gasp in a huge breath, your eyes go wide and you GET IT. You feel that rush of oxygen and you are AWAKE and ALIVE and the path is OH SO CLEAR!
When my computer is on, it has a setting for the monitor that puts it into “sleep” after it hasn’t been used in fifteen minutes. A part of my life had been put into sleep, a part of my life was untouched and unused. Without going into too much of my personal life, I felt like I was going numb inside. It’s as though all the pieces of my whole life are in a backpack of apples on my hike up the mountain of my existence.
First, I’m a mom, so throw in those apples
Next, I have relatives, friends, acquaintances, people I hold close to me, etc… throw in those apples
Next, I work… several jobs, so throw in a few more apples
(bag’s getting big isn’t it?)
Next, there are groups I choose to be associated with whether social, spiritual, business, and those obligations…throw those in there
Next, I have bills, loans and financial obligations which are a big concern in my life, throw in those apples…
Next, I have hobbies I like to dabble in, throw those in…
Next, I have my weight loss program which involves how I grocery shop, planning my daily meals, squeezing in work outs, activity, online meetings, and research….throw those apples in…
I carry around my bag of apples on a daily basis, never really feeling the weight or burden, because I want all these apples. I’ve chosen all these apples, individually and for a reason. I may not NEED all of them, but I WANT all of them. Yes, the backpack gets heavy at times, but I wouldn’t trade any of these apples. All these different colors, smells, tastes and textures. I love all these apples! Then something smells ‘not so fresh’ in the bag. There’s an apple in there that’s gone bad. But you can’t find it right away because the smell of that one apple is mixing with everything else. You’re not sure if it’s one apple or 5 apples, but something’s not right and it starts to affect the way you handle ALL your apples. You keep climbing that mountain with the same backpack of apples, yet, you just don’t have that same enthusiasm and you go into “sleep” mode. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, like a robot, just not feeling the same drives and motivations because you’re preoccupied with the smell of a bad apple back there. I had to sit down, take a breather and empty out my bag of apples and see which one had gone bad. Which apple started to rot and smear its decayed mush onto the others. You have to pick up each apple and really wash it off in the harsh sunlight of day and look it over too see its value. I had to sit, rest, and seriously think about the value of each piece of fruit in my life. Each one has its own bumps and bruises. Then you see that apple (or in some cases, more than one) that has the obvious bump, bruise or gouge that has leaked onto your whole life and caused problems. Can it be fixed? Can the bad part be cut out and the rest saved? That’s for you to decide. You have to sit and empty out your bag of apples and go through them one by one and make your decisions. Sometimes an apple is an unhealthy situation or group of people or a bad habit or an addiction, but you have to determine it for yourself. It’s one hell of a learning and growing process.
And I found after that respite, alone in the quiet, when I lovingly put most my apples back into my backpack, I felt so rejuvenated. I could jump back out onto the rocks of the mountain and get back into my pace. I removed some bad “apple junk” and felt so much lighter and things smelled fresher and the mountain was FUN again. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never an easy decision and I really miss the apple I had to put down. But it was so damaged, it was trying to escape the backpack by oozing out slowly and I had to face that.
My burden on my back is lighter. So much lighter in fact that as of this morning….
I’ve hit ONEderland, I am officially 199 lbs this morning.
I’m awake, I’m alive and my mountain is moving!
And you can call me Alice!